Comparison: The Confidence Thief

“Everyone around me seems so confident. How am I supposed to compete with that?”

Earlier this week, a student asked me this question. Not individually, but in front of the whole class. You could feel the emotion in her voice.

I paused. Looked around. And sure enough, heads nodded. Backs straightened. A few eyes widened.

That question hit home. For them. For me. For everyone in the room.

Because that sense of intimidation? That fear that you’re the only one who’s unsure, insecure, or faking it? It doesn’t stop after college. I hear versions of that same question from experienced business leaders all the time—sometimes whispered, sometimes disguised behind performance metrics or titles.

What I want my students and clients to realize is that your greatest competition isn’t the person next to you—it’s the voice in your head trying to be someone else. Not valuing yourself enough and trying to conform to the person you think you’re supposed to be.

And that’s where the real cost comes in. When you spend your energy sizing yourself up against others, you burn through time, focus, and confidence trying to conform to what you think is expected. You start performing rather than growing. You second-guess your instincts. And eventually, you lose the thread of what makes you powerful in the first place.

I’ve received so many variations of this same question—across generations, industries, and experience levels. It always hits me hard because I’ve been there myself. What brings me hope though is the impact people can make when they stop chasing someone else’s path and double down on their own.

That’s when things shift. Not instantly. But powerfully.

So if you’re feeling that way? You're far from alone. And you're not falling behind. Everyone works at their own pace, and no one career follows the same path as another. Realize that you're just getting started—your way.